Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Just a short note because I have to go to class soon.
Will blog here about the camp and its impact on me hopefully soon.
However, time isn't on my side and I've been struck by fear and anxiety as the sem starts anew. Everyday I begin my day by saying a prayer, to bring me through the day. I don't want just to survive, I want to thrive. But honestly, I'll settle for not having any rude and sudden shocks throughout the day and that would be enough.
Like I said before, if coming to law school meant that this was God's way of showing me how true He is, then I think I'll accept it. But sometimes I don't know why I'm here, I feel stupid in comparison to the other law people and my hardworking tendacies are drastically inferior to many of them. I constantly ask God why He allowed me to fail my piano, many times you only realised a while after the event while He chose that path for you but for my piano, I cannot imagine what reason He had.
If it wasn't for POP, if it wasn't for His love, I don't think I'll be able to live. Life would be meaningless, and I can see how meaningless it is with day in day out readings and work.
He is my author of salvation and that's enough comfort.
I sometimes wish I could just find out immediately what's in store for me but it's probably too much for one to take. God knows what's best for us and if He doesn't settle for second best, I know I'm good enough for Him. So my prayer is that in this world where success is measured through results (school wise or work wise) that I shall see my success as the intangibles and that my faith in Him IS a success in itself.
christine danced till dawn at 9:35 PM
How God Sees You by Richard Roberts
When you look at your reflection in the mirror, you don't see the same thing that God sees. You see your exterior, but God sees your heart (I Samuel 16:7). That's how God saw Gideon when He found him cowering from the Midianites and chose him to be Israel's deliverer.
The angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon and said, "The Lord is with you, O valiant warrior" (Judges 6:12 NASB). Why would the angel call Gideon a mighty warrior? He was a frightened farmer, threshing wheat in a winepress-an unusual place-hoping the Midianites would not find him. But God did not see Gideon as weak and fearful. The Lord looked at him and said, "Go in this your strength and deliver Israel from the hand of Midian" (v. 14). Suddenly Gideon recognized that he had strength he didn't know he had, and he was able to subdue the Midianites.
You, too, have strength from God that you don't know you have! The same strength that God put inside Gideon He has put inside you. You are strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man (Ephesians 3:16 NKJV). God operates in the supernatural realm, and He doesn't see you the way natural eyes do. He sees your potential! Just as He told Gideon, "Go in this your strength," that's what He wants you to do also.
God doesn't see you as weak, ineffective, or fearful. He sees you as you can be because He's given you the strength to become just that. He sees you the way He created you, and He wants you to see yourself that way, too, through the eyes of faith. When you see yourself the way God sees you, you can conquer life's battles!
-Another reminder of God's power in my life. It seems weird that while I get comfort from the Lord I need to have so many reminders to reassure me of what I already know. But I believe that's normal because no one is without doubts, no one is without fear of the future or what life holds, I pray that my faith in Him continues to grow, that setbacks don't make me doubt God's love and plan for me. =)
christine danced till dawn at 10:06 PM
The voyage of life is like that- one must have fixed points from which to take a bearing. The attributes of God are fixed points. His love, faithfulness, justice, purity, holiness and power - to name but a few - are established parts of God's nature. And the more we focus on them and the more we understand them, the more safely and reliably we will make our way across the sea of life. Many things in this universe are subject to change - but not the attributes and nature of God. What He was, He is, and what He is, He was. And what He was and is He ever will be - world without end.
-"Every day with Jesus" Selwyn Hughes
Lord, since the start of University, since the start of something new that I have to adapt to, I've often felt lost and overwhelmed. But one thing was made clear to me, that no matter how busy I am, my time with you should not be compromised. That you alone are what brings me through each day of the week. In fact, it is only when we feel lost and busy and helpless that we turn our eyes even more to you because we realise that there's nothing more worthwhile and wonderful than having a conversation with you.
Thank you for your blessings. For truly, I believe I've been blessed so richly by knowing you and the community knowing you has brought along with it.
christine danced till dawn at 9:23 AM
I know it's important to know God's calling in my life and lately I've been thinking that it would be to use my gift of musical know-all (if my muddling through the piano whatzits can be called as such) However, keyboard is not like piano and I really have to get through the keyboard training first. I know that I'm not that great in piano and was rather tentative in wanting to play for church.
It's kinda frustrating sometimes. Because you're sincerely praying and asking the Lord to show you your calling but at the same time you aren't sure if what you think He's leading you to is what He really wants you to do. People tell you that you can be sure if your walk with Him is right. But really, how sure is sure?
I know you aren't supposed to overthink things. Sometimes it's just meant for you to let things just go their way. And perhaps in a rather strange way it did. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to write this in here so I won't but people can help put you on the right path. JoP asked me to think about something and then let him know. My only thought was " Am I going to be in Singapore during that time of the event". I didn't even ask the Lord if I should do it. Was that right? Maybe because I knew that even if I got really busy with school and what not, I still would have wanted to do it. There wasn't a hesitation at all if I would consider it, unless you count the fact that I was worried I wouldn't be there for the event.
I've learnt that the more the give, the more you'll receive. A few years ago I wouldn't even have considered going to lunch or dinner with my cell because I could have been back home sleeping away or studying. But now, with the relationships formed between the members and God, I know it's important, cell is.
You aren't really sacrificing your time.
You're building relationships that last.
So back to JoP's question. I believe that in areas of organization I've got the experience and the ability, what with all those Guide trainings. Time? Maybe I'll be busy with it, but I'll do so with a song in my heart because it's serving and pleasing the Lord.
It lightens my heart to be accountable to someone. It's like telling your best friends every single detail that happens in your life or anything major and knowing that someone's there listening or to offer their opinions is comforting. They may not be able to fully understand what you're going through but at least there's a shoulder to count on.
christine danced till dawn at 4:47 AM
I've been neglecting this blog. I know I have. The thing is, while I want to separate the two blogs, one can never truly separate the Lord from their lives. Because He's so much a part of my life that everything that happens, worries, thanksgiving, good times, bad times, are all poured out to Him, written in my main blog with references to the things He has done for me and then you realise that it's kinda stupid to repeat it all here.
Nonetheless, I was asked 'what was my greatest setback' to which I remained stumped.
Unless you count my love life which I have none to speak of,
I've been faced with setbacks, where my world just crumbles and it's not a cliche because you literally CAN feel it crumbling and fading away. But then the setback turns out alright, like not getting into law the first time and coming to terms with my own brand of elitism and then realising that I CAN be happy doing what society may perceive as slightly weird. And then after that, law comes knocking. And that's only the most recent example about setbacks and then the setbacks turning into the opposite.
There's so much thanksgiving to be done. So much things that I've given to the Lord when it seems impossible/ hard to believe that anything good would happen. But it does.
So thank you Lord for opening my eyes to see you, for opening my ears to listen out for you and hear your call.
Thank you for the people you've placed in my life to guide me.
Your love is beautiful and it's the reason why I sing.
christine danced till dawn at 8:18 PM
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
A-Adoration
C-Confession
T-Thanksgiving
S-Supplication
It's true ain't it that until you really learn to pray, your prayers consisted of mainly S? Before doing the prayer life, I did the T and S because I remembered hearing PeiJing talk about ACTS. But I forgot what the A and C stood for so I rarely remembered to put them into my prayers.
Yet everyday I constantly start my prayers with "Thank you Father for giving me this day... there were bad points and there were good points" I try not to do the narrative thing because He already knows what took place during my day but I find that highlighting the events that happened today and the emotions they invoked was highly crucial to knowing who I am as as person. Even if getting the earlier bus doesn't seem like something big at that point of time, I realise I'm still thankful because I could have missed it and been late for work. So by going through my day again, I realise just how much "Thank you Father for today" really means and I can say it with all sincerity.
In the days before the release of the A level results, I immersed myself in reading the Word and spending time having fun and generally being happy. I asked the Lord to take away my anxiety and most of the time I was too busy doing other things to worry about the results. It was only at night when I came to the Lord that I prayed about giving me the faith to believe and the courage to accept the Lord's plan for me. In doing the prayer life, it thus became crucial that I followed C. Because suddenly confessing to the Lord your mistakes and your fears was so natural that not doing so seemed strange and disconnecting. It's so much easier to come to the Lord to confess rather than the people that surrond us. I won't say that is because we're not surronded by people we know very well (I know I am) but because the Lord knows who we are and knows our character even before we are clear of it. Its hard to be embarrassed because we can't hide anything.
Anyway, I have so many things to be thankful for but most of all, I'm thankful for knowing about and knowing the Lord.
christine danced till dawn at 6:22 PM
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Going to church camp is one thing I will not regret. I really neeeded it. And the Lord reminded me how much I needed Him and that even though I wasn't thinking of Him during the last few weeks that much, He was thinking of me.
The last few weeks have been such a low point for me. I realised only when I came to camp that what I was experiencing was a very spiritual low. Never had it so bad before, so never recognized it. And I didn't turn to God's word even though the Bible was on my table. I was simply too disappointed in everything else to turn to God, the One who would NEVER disappoint us.
When I came to the camp (very humid weather grr) I had a great group, with members I could click with, talk with, and enjoy God with. The worship sessions were inspiring and the sermons, (while slightly long) were enlightening.
Pastor Barnabus Chong talked to us about being baptised with the Holy Spirit. I have experienced having the Holy Spirit before but I also knew that I was very dry. And at the end of it, when we were praying, I just asked for the Holy Spirit to come into me and I just shivered. And I wasn't feeling cold. I believe I felt the Holy Spirit. And when we were praying and standing with Pastor, I just felt a sense of peace and a sense of awe of the glory of God. Pastor told me one word 'mission' and he asked if God had been speaking to me about 'mission'. And I was stunned because I had been thinking about it before, after A levels. I believe it refers to Mission trips but also in a wider context of making it a mission of spreading the word of God to other people. I see it as both. I just started crying and somehow the tears felt like nothing and yet at the same time something.
I really experienced God during the camp and it really really sparked this spirit of revival (if you may call it that) in me. I thank the Lord that He allowed me to witness His love during this camp and in every day of my life.
christine danced till dawn at 5:36 AM
